Privacy Policy
by Kaede-tama
Summary: Alfred posts a picture of a shirtless Matthew on Facebook. This is why Matthew doesn't like social networking sites. MultiplexCanada. Written for Iwant2beAcookie.


**A/N:** Written for _Iwant2beAcookie_, who was the 100th reviewer for Love Letter. They didn't request anything in particular; they said they weren't picky since Canada is so cute~

Hope you enjoy. :)

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><p><strong>Privacy Policy<strong>

**. . .  
><strong>

**Alfred F. Jones** posted a **photo.**

**Alfred F. Jones** daaaayuuuum! that was one hell of a party  
><strong>27<strong> people like this.

**Gilbert Beilschmidt** for once in my life, i agree with you. but who's that guy standing next to you?

**Antonio Hernandez Carriedo** He is adorable~ But not as cute as my Lovi!  
><strong>Feliciano Vargas<strong> likes this.

**Lovino Vargas** SHUT UP. TOMATO BASTARD.  
><strong>3 <strong>people like this.

**Lovino Vargas** and why the hell did you like that, feli!

**Francis Bonnefoy** Ah! He is beautiful, with the way the sunlight is catching his hair, making him look like an angel~ I think I'm in l'amour!

**Alfred F. Jones** thanks, franny ;D

**Peter Kirkland** he wasnt talking to you, dipshit!  
><strong>7 <strong>people like this

**Arthur Kirkland** Peter...get off the computer.

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><p><strong>Gilbert Beilschmidt <strong>to** Alfred F. Jones** srsly, who's the guy in the pic?

**Alfred F. Jones **to **Gilbert Beilschmidt** i think its my hat...

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><p><strong>Matthew Williams<strong> to **Alfred F. Jones** ALFRED.

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><p><strong>Alfred F. Jones<strong> to **Gilbert Beilschmidt** ahahaha jk thats my TOTALLY AWESOME bro, Matthew

**Gilbert Beilschmidt** to **Alfred F. Jones** i see...

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><p>In the midst of gunfire and explosions, Miley Cyrus's <em>Party in the USA<em> blared out from Alfred's pocket. The American paused his game, fishing his phone out and answering the call. "Yo! You're talking to the hero, Alfred Fucking Jones!" he greeted. "Make it quick, I've got more Nazi zombies to blow up."

"Alfred, did you say anything to Gilbert lately?" came a soft-spoken question.

Realizing it was his (favorite) brother, Alfred grinned. "Hey, Mattie! And no, why?"

"Well, he's called me five times this morning, asking if he can come over to my house," Matthew said nervously.

"Aw, out of everyone, you pick_ him_ to be your friend?" Alfred whined. "He just wants to molest you. See, this is why you should come over to my underground bunker. Did you know I just finished re-stocking it with cheeseburgers from McDonald's? You'll be safe from pale rapists!"

Matthew shuddered at the thought of eating McDonald's for the rest of his life. "No thanks, Al," he said. "I just want to know if you said anything to him."

Alfred was disappointed. (He briefly considered trying to force Matthew into the bunker, but then remembered that the last time he did that, he had to rebuild the White House.) "I don't think I did," he said, scratching his head.

"Oh, well maybe he actually does want some pancakes, then." There was a sigh from the other line. "Thanks, Al."

"No problem!"

There was a pause. "By the way, the cheeseburgers are going to expire," Matthew said. Then he hung up.

Alfred threw his phone down in frustration. "Damn it!"

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><p><strong>Alfred F. Jones<strong> how long does it take for a cheeseburger to expire?

**Tony** That's a stupid question, motherfucker

**Alfred F. Jones** WHAT THE FUCK

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><p><strong>9 <strong>people commented on **Alfred F. Jones**'s **photo.**

**Lars van Rijn** he kind of looks like a girl

**Mathias Køhler **A PRETTY girl heheh

**Ivan Braginsky** I wonder what he would look like trapped under me~

**Francis Bonnefoy** You'll all just corrupt him. :(

**Gilbert Beilschmidt** like you wont :P  
><strong>3<strong> people like this.

**Elizabeta Héderváry **This is like a scene out of a yaoi manga! *swoons*  
><strong>Kiku Honda<strong> likes this.

**Arthur Kirkland** Stay away from Matthew! All of you!

**Alfred F. Jones** ok i just realized that you're all creepin on my bro...

**Lovino Vargas** Fail.  
><strong>10<strong> people like this.

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><p><strong>Matthew Williams<strong> to **Alfred F. Jones** Al! Why did you put up that picture here?

**Alfred F. Jones** to **Matthew Williams** chill, its not that bad

**Matthew Williams** to **Alfred F. Jones** I'm SHIRTLESS in that photo. And drunk!

**Alfred F. Jones** to **Matthew Williams** everyone likes it though!

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><p><strong>Alfred F. Jones<strong> nasfklasefj sdofjasklfawoh eafk

**Arthur Kirkland** I didn't think that the garbage that comes out of your mouth could get any worse. I was wrong.  
><strong>14<strong> people like this.

**Alfred F. Jones** fuck off, eyebrows. Toni, can you come over and fiiiiix meeee? :(

**Tony** No, bastard

**Alfred F. Jones** omg! i didnt mean you! and wtf are you doing here anyway?

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><p><strong>Matthew Williams<strong> posted a **photo.**

**Matthew Williams** This is why you do NOT post pictures of me without my permission.

**Gilbert Beilschmidt** lol alfred got PWNED XD  
><strong>Peter Kirkland<strong> likes this.

**Ivan Braginsky** My favorite part is his black eye~

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><p>"What happened this time?" Antonio asked, wrapping the bandages gingerly around Alfred's injured wrist.<p>

Alfred hissed in pain. "I told him that everyone - ow! - liked his picture," he answered, gritting his teeth. "And it was the truth! Then he punched me. I guess he couldn't handle the truth."

Antonio clicked his tongue disapprovingly. "Well, to be fair, you should have asked his permission first," he said. "I feel sorry for him. He has to deal with Gilbert and Francis lusting after him."

Alfred nodded along mindlessly, until he realized what the Spaniard had said. "Wait, what?"

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><p><strong>Matthew Williams<strong> Um...who sent me these roses?

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><p><strong>Alfred F. Jones<strong> EWWWWW WHAT THE FUCK I JUST SAW FRANCIS RUNNING AROUND NAKED OUTSIDE

**Arthur Kirkland** Call the cops.

**Alfred F. Jones** i did, now he's being handcuffed...

**Alfred F. Jones** ...i think he's enjoying it...

**Arthur Kirkland** How would you know if he was, wanker?

**Alfred F. Jones** well iggy, he's NAKED and i can see EVERYTHING

**Arthur Kirkland** Never mind...

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><p><strong>Francis Bonnefoy<strong> to **Alfred F. Jones **My sincere apologies, Alfred. I must have confused Matthew's address with yours.

**Alfred F. Jones** to **Francis Bonnefoy **dude o_O**  
><strong>

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><p><strong>Ivan Braginsky<strong> to **Matthew Williams** Would Matvey like to come over to my house for piroshki?

**Matthew Williams** to **Ivan Braginsky** Ah, no thank you, Ivan! I'm allergic to those... I think.

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><p><strong>Peter Kirkland<strong> created the group **We Love Matthew Williams**.  
><strong>Elizabeta<strong> Héderváry<strong>** likes this.

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><p><strong>Arthur Kirkland<strong> to **Peter Kirkland** Peter! Delete that group right now!  
><strong>Alfred F. Jones<strong> likes this.

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><p><strong>Alfred F. Jones<strong> to **Peter Kirkland **DELETE IT OR YOU'LL DIE!

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><p><strong>47<strong> people joined the group **We Love Matthew Williams.**

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><p><strong>Matthew Williams<strong> As flattered as I am, I really wish Peter would delete the group...

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><p>"Mattie!" Alfred burst through Matthew's door. "Quick! You have to come with me! I heard that Gilbert, Francis, and Ivan are going to come here and kidnap you and do God knows what!"<p>

Matthew once would have laughed at that. But given everything that had recently happened, he was more than willing to leave. Alfred grabbed his hand and began pulling him outside. "Wait, I have to get Kuma!" Matthew protested, but Alfred shoved him into his car, and they were speeding off.

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><p><strong>Gilbert Beilschmidt<strong> damn, matt's not home :P

**Francis Bonnefoy** We shall try again tomorrow~

**Ivan Braginisky** We will definitely succeed.  
><strong>Gilbert Beilschmidt <strong>and **Francis Bonnefoy** like this.

**Lars van Rijn **can i join?

**Gilbert Beilschmidt** well...ok...

**Alfred F. Jones **HA! I FOILED YOUR PLAN! THE HERO SAVES THE DAY ONCE AGAIN!

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><p>"I hope that you learned your lesson," Matthew said, scowling at his brother across the metal floor. "And what are you doing with your phone? I thought there was no signal underground."<p>

Alfred looked up. "I'm on Facebook," he said, waving his phone. "And I had that special antenna thingy over there built so I can have Internet access."

Matthew sighed. "You were able to do that, but didn't get better food," he muttered sourly. He poked the uneaten hamburger that Alfred had offered him. "But Alfred, promise me that you'll _never_ upload a picture of me without my permission, okay?"

Touching his healing eye, Alfred managed a grin. "Got it, Mattie."

Matthew nodded, satisfied. He was about to hopefully get some sleep when Alfred made a noise of surprise. "What is it now?" Matthew asked wearily.

"Your polar bear has a Facebook?" Alfred asked incredulously.

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><p><strong>Kumajirou<strong> posted a **photo.  
>56<strong> people like this.

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><p><strong>78<strong> people joined the group **We Love Matthew Williams.**

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><p>"Uh, Matt?" Alfred said, eyes hesitantly rising up from the picture that was displayed on his phone. "I think we have a problem..."<p>

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><p><strong>AN: **What picture did Kumajirou post? I'll leave that up to your imagination. ;)**  
><strong>


End file.
